Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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