just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
