well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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