Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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