I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i've created a new STD.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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