i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
