I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
