You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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