i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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