I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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