fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i dont even know how to be here
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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