remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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