her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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