you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
