i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
