I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
