3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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