What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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