then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
