Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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