If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
