you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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