I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
