just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
