Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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