Having a random hookup so left but love u
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You can't just leave with hair like that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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