Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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