I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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