You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
