Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
