your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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