And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
