I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
