So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
