i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
