how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
