we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
