It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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