bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
