Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
