In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Yo dont text me then not text me
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize