So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
