shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
