Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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