I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
