I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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