So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Operation Purity has been aborted
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
