do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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