Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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