I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
