Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so let's talk penis.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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