i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
