Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
