the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
