1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
