I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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