chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
