Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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