FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize