i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
