12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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