ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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