Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
