The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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