I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
