smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
