it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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