its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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