he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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