So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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